I’ve been called many names before. Not just the normal Lam Chee Kiang or Chee Kiang or CK or LCK or Mr Lam etc. My Piano Teacher who drums her tummy called me Dr. Lam, and somehow Mr. Lam sounds very ‘professional’ to some. I don’t know why. My brother and my father always introduce themselves as “Lam”. And rather then calling their names, people call them “Lam” – be it formal or informal.
When I was in Kindergarden, my brother used to call me “Leng Chi Kang”, a chinese dessert. It was damn annoying because the both of us like that dish, and whenever he sees a stall he will start saying things like “Leng Chi Kang want Leng Chi Kang or not“. There were times when I couldn’t stand it that I start crying (Kindergarden mah). My mother would scold my brother and ask him to stop it, but days later forgot about the scolding and everything goes back to normal. Sigh, elder brothers can be so naive and immature 
When I was in Primary School, this girl named Li Shen used to call me “Chicken” (I think you can see the similarities with my name). It was alright initially, but as months go by I got really pissed. Not because she is directly insulting and associating my name with an animal, but because I was FUCKING FAT at that time. Is bad enough that I couldn’t stop myself from indulging in KFC and all other vices, but I had the thought that she was rubbing it in by calling me a Chicken (I didn’t relate “Chicken” with being a pussy back then). One day I couldn’t take it anymore, I called her “Lizard” (you need a longer time to see the similarities between her name and the nick). From then on she stopped calling me “Chicken”, I guess it worked, or because I shouted Fuck You “Lizard” in front of her parents.
I had many variations in Secondary School. When I was in the ‘Elite Chinese Stream Secondary 2 Class’ – 2 Elok, this guy who was desparate for sex just reached puberty kept talking about sex and its sub-topics. He then labelled me a “Lan Ciao King” (Dick King – this nick will appear again sometime in my life, but let’s be chronological here). This carried on in Secondary 3, but then I started mixing with the Malay Stream peeps, so we stopped hanging out, or maybe he has lost his virginity realized that sex is now a boring subject.
After The PMR (Lower Secondary Examinations), the school organized a Genting trip for us, and I wore a turtle neck with sunglasses in Genting. People claimed that my nipples were showing (I had breasts then) and I looked like a “Gigohlo”. So guess what was my next nickname? This nickname was phenomenal. “Gigohlo” became my Christian name, and there was even a ringtone composed for the nick! (Note: That time handphones just appeared in our lives).
In Secondary 4, when honeymoon year started, people started exploring sex got more matured, and Malay and Chinese Stream became Science and Arts Streams, Gigohlo became a yesteryear. Mixing with Daryl’s smoking-pharmacy-student-sister Joanne, who introduced Shishah/Hookah Smoking to us, created a new phenomenon of ‘Ass’ and ‘Sex’ nicknames. Daryl was awarded the ‘Fat Ass’ title while I got the ‘Big Sexy’ title. Like I said, I was FUCKING FAT.
In Secondary 5, Gaya creatively started calling me “Cheeks” out of the blue. I thought it was quite a nice nickname. I didn’t object to that. Soon, certain people started calling me “Cheeks”. And I acknowledged the name.
After Secondary School, I left for Terengganu for my 3-month-NS-stint. I was fortunate enough to have people of my wavelength aka can speak english and malay rather fluently (my chinese that time cacated already after mixing with the Malay Stream peeps), and most importantly, come from Subang/Petaling/Damansara area! There, this best friend of mine (or rather, the only NS friend I keep in touch now) Aik Chiew got so free that he created a name for me – “Lan Ciao King”. Yup, after disappearing for 3 years this bloody nickname appeared again. It got worst because everyone in my Company got hooked on to this name. It’s what I called Muhibbah man – Malay, Chinese, Indian, Lain-lain… called me that even though they have no idea what it meant. The Chinese Educated Chinese created another nickname for me. I was called ‘Dai Keong’ or ‘Da Qiang’ because in my Company there was another dude with a Kiang behind him. So he was named ‘Siu Keong’ or ‘Xiao Qiang’ or ‘Cockroach’ because I was FATTER than him. They didn’t get into the Lan Ciao King phenomena because the Chinese Educated Chinese tend to stick to themselves as compared to the Malay Educated and the Bananas (I’m already a certified Banana then).
So after NS, I came out and people were shocked to see me NOT FAT anymore. I started wearing short pants because I got hooked onto jogging they were cooling. Hence I was now called ‘Big Sexy Legs‘. That didn’t last long because I packed my bags and left for the Little Red Dot. There, the Asean Scholars called me the norm – CK, Chee Kiang etc. But as the two years go by, Cheeks entered the list as well. People used the three interchangeably. Suicidal will use CK when calling me normally, and Cheeks when he is disappointed in me.
When I started blogging, another nickname came up, well actually it was me who started the ball rolling – DJCK. I always dreamed of being a deejay, hence the addition of DJ to the CK. People claimed that they see ‘DICK’ instead of ‘DJCK. My Radio friends suggested that I be CK the DJ instead.
In Uni, CK, Chee Kiang, Cheeks, DJCK are still being used. I guess they’re the most common and easiest to remember. Some claimed that they remember me as CK, but have no idea what my full name is! CK was commonly used in IMU, but in NUS I wanted a new name, a Christian name! I tried Aaron Lam (Aaron Joseph Lam to be exact), but the ASEAN Scholars who followed me to Sheares Hall and NUS ruined it for me.
“Hello I’m Aaron”
*smirks* “Yeah his name is Aaron. Eh Aaron how are you Aaron”
*cibai-la*
